The last few months I have really been struggling with my self-esteem and alot of the problem has to do with the fact that I am unhappy with how I look and feel about my body. Alot of it has to do with all of the media bombardment that we as females get from every direction about being super skinny. I have tried ever since I came back to the States to try to avoid being sucked in but it is hard when everytime you turn around something is talking about or points to "being skinny" or "losing weight".
I know that I am not at my ideal weight. I am not trying to justify that at all but I do believe that God makes us who we are and we are to take care of our bodies because they are living temples for Him. I am just really having a hard time and I know some other ladies who are as well.
Nicholas has been an amazing encouragement. He is always complimenting and being the shoulder to cry on. He has also been there when I have needed a walking partner, someone to lift weights with, and someone to go ride my bike with. Here lately we have been hiking together and it has made me so happy to be able to hike again. When I was little in Africa we would hike with our parents out to different villages and then when we were in the States we would go on hikes to places that my dad knew about. I got out of hiking for several years because I let someone influence me and decide what we were going to do for fun. I am so thankful that Nicholas enjoys hiking just as much as I do.
This is a poem that I have had for years and it has always helped me "figure out" who I am when I am having one of those moments.
I have a job. Actually I have a job for several weeks but I am not working at the moment because I am waiting to see if I passed my boards and getting my nursing license. It has been a very stressful last month. I have diligently studied everyday for 3-4 hours doing practice questions and reviewing different information that I did not know well enough to answer the question. The test that I had to take was the NCLEX. I took it yesterday (2/10/09). I can unofficially get my results this evening but I am waiting for Nicholas because I do not want to do it alone. I can't help but think...what if I failed? Will I be a disappointment to those that I love? I know that I won't but those questions are still popping up in my mind. My biggest fear in life is failing. I hate failing at anything. Needless to say I am a perfectionist.
Back to the job. I will be working at Spartanburg Regional Hospital in Spartanburg, South Carolina. I am on 5 South which is a Medical/Surgical floor with an emphasis on GI (gastrointestinal) patients. I will be working night shift which I am a little nervous about (7PM - 7AM). I have many people tell me that I am a night owl but I have never had to change my schedule to sleep during the day. So, hopefully that will all work out. I start orientation on 2-23-09 so my vacation is almost over.
Please pray for me as I get my test results and as I mentally prepare for this huge change in my life. I am excited and terrified all wrapped up into one big bundle. I know that the LORD will be with me and that He does not give us things that we cannot handle (they may not always be easy, but we can handle them with His help).
Being an MK is always hard on holidays because more that likely you are away from family. This year I got to be with everyone. My parents came in for my graduation and stayed through Christmas. My brother Nathan also got to fly in from Texas and stay with me as well. It was a fun time. They helped me move into my new home and we had a lot of fun doing many different activities.
* Grove Park Inn for breakfast on my mom's birthday (Nicholas got to come along on that trip)
* Christmas present shopping for each other
* Skeet shooting at Pauline's SCDNR gun range (even Mama pulled the trigger once)
* Visiting with both sets of grandparents (Smith's in North Carolina and Canada's in Tennessee)
* Cutting down our own Christmas tree at Christmas Tree Hill
* Watching movies with Mama, Daddy, Nathan, and Nicholas
I was so thankful to spend time with everyone and it all worked out so perfectly. Christmas Eve we went to North Carolina and spent time with my grandparents (dad's side), great-grandmother, aunt and cousins. Nicholas spent that day with his family in South Carolina. Christmas Eve night we drove back to my house and opened presents Christmas morning with Mama, Daddy, Nathan, and Nicholas.
This is my great-grandmother. She will be 94 in March and she is proud of it.
Nathan opening presents. That is my awesome tree behind him that I cut down myself!
We had to get them small things so they could travel back with them. We got Mama a beautiful scarf and Daddy a nice pullover from Mast General for all of his traveling. We also got them snowman poop (mini marshmallows), which is what they are opening here.
Just being goofy and silly!Many of you have been bugging me to get back to my blog and to update it, so, here I am. I am not sure how long this will last because when I get busy this is the first thing that suffers. But anyways. Most of you know but some don't I graduated from nursing school on December 13, 2008. Well, that was graduation day but I did not actually attend graduation. I am now in Spartanburg, South Carolina. It has been a long time since I have felt that I am at home but I do now and I am so excited.
